Tuesday, March 07, 2006

major peer review

Shannon –

In reading your essay, I think that you have a very well developed argument and a nicely stated thesis. It is clear that you will be discussing the controversy with copyright infringement due to the new technology of electronic books. I liked that you had support for your claims and gave an account of all involved in the community; the authors, publishers, and readers, and their take on the debate. However, I feel as though it became confusing due to the dense wording in some areas but I hope that my comment will make it easier for you to maybe rewrite in a clearer way. Try to incorporate some of the things that were talked about in lesson three of style summaries.
The purpose of the paper is clearly states and the paragraphs follow the headings placed above them which serve as the topic sentences, I believe, until you write your final draft. You summarize the controversy well but maybe tell what the consequences of breaking this law would be, the statistics on who and how often it occurs, or maybe quotes from the readers, authors, and publishers on how they stand on the debate. Rather than just saying it is against the law, go further in saying how it would affect the community if it continues.
From what I see, the key components of the controversy are that the electronic books idea is sort of a catch 22. They allow knowledge to be shared that otherwise couldn’t, but they also present a problem because the information and books are readily available for the entire worlds to see and access. This allows illegal copyrighting to occur, which could lead to the demise of the literary community. The grey area, in my opinion, was that of the publishers wanting to make money but I don’t really understand the grey area thing. A thorough understanding is shown because she presents the side of all involved but I think more support could do a lot for reaching out to people and making them become more involved when reading it.
The paper is definitely represented in a fair way because she says that she doesn’t know what side she agrees with yet since, although a member of the community in many ways, she herself commits the crime of copyright infringement. She explains the community and her role in it and I think she did it so in an effective manner, neither too long nor too short. In reading about who is involved in the community it allows the reader to see why it would be bad that the e-books are so readily copied. Maybe add some more about why they get copied though, more of that perspective.
I don’t think that I can say anything else about the paper because I don’t think that it is to the point where anymore criticism is needed. After the bullets and notes are developed into paragraphs and the introduction is tweaked, and a conclusion formed I think the paper will sound a lot better and more put together.


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