Thursday, March 23, 2006

peer review

Shannon-

After reading your paper I thought that it was overall really good. You are really good at writing and reflecting your own personal views but there are a few instances that you sound too personal, I tried to note on the draft itself where you did so.

All throughout the first paragraph I was intrigued to read on. You did well at presenting us a paragraph that allowed us to imagine it in our heads vividly. You showed in the second paragraph that you have experience in the field and that we should listen to what you are saying in the paper because you know what you are talking about.

The whole paper is about the idea of writing and how becoming published is not an easy process. You bring in your other paper of e-books as a means to show that the publishing process holds different views by different people. To people like you it is a good thing because you want to get your writing out there but on the other hand many companies and writers feel as though their writing is being stolen and they cannot keep accurate tabs on their work. I think the paper emphasizes the fact that what is good to one person might not be good to all people and you explain this all throughout the paper.

The last page where you have written a story that goes back to the first paragraph is something that stood out to me. At first I was confused as to why it was put in there but I think that it does well in showing how much you are embedded in the community yourself. This was engaging to me because I am not a part of the community and it was interesting to see how much it really belongs in the piece. However, I don’t know if others will be confused by it as I was at first.

You did well with your use of narration and character development. It became a little confusing when talking about the publishers and whatnot but I think that with correct wording it will sound a lot better. Try not to sound so informal. Even though this is an informal assignment some of the sentences would come across better if spoken a little bit more formal and put together, it wouldn’t sound as disorganized.

You bred familiarity between the narrator and the reader by showing your role in it as well as relating it to ways that the reader, who might not be as involved as you are, can understand. For example the way that you described the publishing process.

There are a few areas in the paper that don’t seem to transition well but all that is needed are transitional, topic sentences. You have headings so maybe you are waiting until last to do the topic sentences. My only other suggestions are that you tell the readers what the story is at the end, rather than just attaching it because it is kind of confusing to figure out how it relates to the paper as a whole.

But it looks really good, I think that with a few changes it will be really good.

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